trumpet playing has been a part, if not the core, of my existence since i can remember. it gave me comfort, it gave me a way to express myself, but also the ability to hide behind it and through the small bubble of the so-called jazz-community be able to make a living from it and privilege from the structures of the environment.

when I struggled with depression last year and after not being able to play the trumpet due to health reasons for a while, i felt no connectivity to the instrument and realized the lack of connectivity to myself, by being able to hide inside the before-mentioned system.

for a few months each note seemed useless, meaningless and not appropriate. i still struggle to actually find a way to say something within the learned and coped mechanism and the obvious problems connected to them.

as my process changes and morphs and allows me to express myself through other media, i wanted to share this album, as it represents another process of exploring the instrument within and outside it's norms and boundaries.



this music was recorded during very different stages.

during a church duo recording in cologne with my dear friend roger kintopf, during the first year of the pandemic after my studies had been finished, where we worked in several settings privileged on our music and sound and language in depth.

during a church trio setting with two of my best friends from cologne in my hometown leeheim, representing loneliness but also comfort with the instrument in a setting that represents loneliness and lack of home.

during a spontaneous trip outside of the city of hamburg with jeeyun jang, after i had just broken up with my long-term relationship, with no clear direction whatsoever and musical and personal questions arising, but trying to suppress them.

during the last month of the first part of my residency in basel, where i recorded piano tracks for my pop album and tried to regain a connection to the instrument and everything felt meaningless or rather to say, nothing was felt whatsoever.

and during my exhibition "nowigetwhypeoplekillthemselves" in the 2nd floor of a old 2nd world-war bunker / exhibition space "bunkerk101".




thanks for taking a dive into this process as well <3